It was the word of 2018.
I don’t think I would have chosen it so, had I written this post at the close of last year. But that’s what I ended up discovering.
I discovered a lot of things this year – about people, my people, places (past and yet to come), about life (and it being so much larger than I know), and about myself (and how I wanted to
do be so much more).
I discovered that
the my world is much larger than New York City.
I discovered that I’m a misfit, and a proud one.
I discovered that you have to take the headspace, draw your own boundaries.
I saw my inner circle grow smaller (and closer), as it should be.
I realized I had started questioning a lot more things lately, things I even swore by once.
Like maybe I prefer a white cityscape over grey, or that maybe I would like to open up my own coffee shop someday, or that maybe I really do just enjoy being in my own space with my tea and a good book over anything else, and that maybe I was (28 years later) just about starting to understand myself.
I learned that it’s ok to change your mind, your opinion even.
2018 was supposed to be the year I left New York, but instead I ended up choosing it, now knowing fully well that someday I will leave it, and it will always be within me.
I found out that I have it in me to make it, but that I may not want it.
And that’s how I discovered my intuition grow into self-awareness.
I felt myself evolve to a higher purpose – and recognize that’s what truly gets me going.
I discovered that very few things bring me real fulfillment, and if I am missing that from core parts of my life it is time for me to fix this. (But more on that later!)
I also discovered that writing is the one true thing that brings me pure joy every single time, and that books
are will always be my lifelong companions.
And finally, I learned the most important lesson of all, one that I discovered as I paved my way through so many unknowns – acceptance – (and understanding that there is nothin really to “accept”, but only know: as it is.
So yes, 2018 was about discovery.
What will 2019 be?
I don’t think I’ve ever just sat still and observed my thoughts about what I really feel, really want. So now that I am questioning it, I have a feeling that 2019 will need me to play the role of the Observer in my own life, of all the things I’ve discovered, of all that I like and don’t, of what I really want to do and don’t, of how I want my life, my world to be and…don’t.
When in doubt, it makes sense to retrace one’s steps. I’m no longer the girl that I used to be. Yes I have a lot to bring forward with me, but also a lot of unnecessary baggage to shed, and as many things that I have to learn, I have twice the number to unlearn. And so I need to take a breath to observe this transformation. And more importantly – document it.
The future is yours to write, but it comes one day at a time.
Now’s my time to act, one step at a time.
Document, don’t worry about creating,
because you are, each day, every day.
It’s a new day,
Happy New Year!