There is something about moving to a new city, starting a new job, moving into a new home [or as in my case, all of the above all at once] that triggers an urgency to optimize – this newness. On many an occasion, I’ve found myself quoting a desire to “skip to the part where […]
Who am I? A question that plagues me in many waking [and sleeping] momentsA question, I’m sure, is not unique to meYet it implores an answer, from me As I ponder on my answer, what comes up are a bevy of contradictionsSomewhere in-between, I am yet to find out – who I am Am I […]
Virginia Woolf rightly said, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” Life.It’s the only thing you ever know.And it’s anything but certain. Although, and quite often, we trick ourselves into believing – a certainty over our lives.We call this routine.The [inherent] repetitive regularity of it offers an illusion of control.It makes us feel safe, knowing […]
Raised voices.I’m familiar with you.You show up every time a threat looms. Oh raised voices, I’m familiar with you. Masked by pangs of anger.Usually hiding, is a fear.Of rejection.Of hurt.Or the helplessness that ensues. Oh raised voices, I’m familiar with you. Scared of your identity.Or the threat to it, maybe.Are you so afraid of another […]
I sat down at 7 PM to do my morning pages. I could lie and say it had been a busy day (even on those days I’d most likely be wearing the old busyness badge slash facade), but it wasn’t. It wasn’t even a chaotic day. If you discount some last-minute curveballs, it was actually […]
I’m not.Just not enough.Not talented.Not knowledgeable.Not even informed.Not determined.Not disciplined.Not working hard enough.Not capable.Not deserving.Not worthy enough.No.Not good.I’m not even good enough. Right?This constant voice in my head.This is it.It has to be.It’s enough.To make me believe.I’m not enough.No not even good enough. A limiting belief.A self-fulfilling prophecy.A blindfold.A bias, confirming. The visa that didn’t […]
“As immigrants, we always feel an obligation to the opportunities we’re presented with, even if there are glaring red flags staring right at us. Be aware of this irrational gratitude.” – In saying this one thing Jinal Shah made me feel seen in a way I didn’t even know was invisible. This whole piece is […]
You have to write. What if I have nothing to say?What if it’s not good? Or good enough? Or as good as before?What if what I have to say doesn’t matter?No. I don’t want to say something. You don’t write because you want to say something. You write because you have something to say. Yes. […]
I could see the sunlight through my closed eyes, I could see it in the warmth that I felt on face, the warm hues taking over my entire body. In the background I could hear my family talking, I do not remember what. It didn’t matter. I was happy just listening to their voices amidst […]
2020.A big year. Meant for big changes.The kind that takes you places. After all, it was the start of a new decade.Right? Personally, I thought I’d have all my answers this year.I’d named this year about knowing. Yet here I am, at the close.More questions than ever before. Questioning it all.From definitions [of productivity and […]
fluid.world 