There is something about moving to a new city, starting a new job, moving into a new home [or as in my case, all of the above all at once] that triggers an urgency to optimize – this newness. On many an occasion, I’ve found myself quoting a desire to “skip to the part where […]
Who am I? A question that plagues me in many waking [and sleeping] momentsA question, I’m sure, is not unique to meYet it implores an answer, from me As I ponder on my answer, what comes up are a bevy of contradictionsSomewhere in-between, I am yet to find out – who I am Am I […]
Virginia Woolf rightly said, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” Life.It’s the only thing you ever know.And it’s anything but certain. Although, and quite often, we trick ourselves into believing – a certainty over our lives.We call this routine.The [inherent] repetitive regularity of it offers an illusion of control.It makes us feel safe, knowing […]
Bitten nailsRestless legs The walls are closing inIn my head The space fills upA million thoughts Future and pastA regret or a task I askNo answer An hour goes byThe walls seem closer Exhale I sayBut the breath is held in A whole monologue in my headYet not a syllable my tongue says Pressure buildsTightens […]
Raised voices.I’m familiar with you.You show up every time a threat looms. Oh raised voices, I’m familiar with you. Masked by pangs of anger.Usually hiding, is a fear.Of rejection.Of hurt.Or the helplessness that ensues. Oh raised voices, I’m familiar with you. Scared of your identity.Or the threat to it, maybe.Are you so afraid of another […]
I sat down at 7 PM to do my morning pages. I could lie and say it had been a busy day (even on those days I’d most likely be wearing the old busyness badge slash facade), but it wasn’t. It wasn’t even a chaotic day. If you discount some last-minute curveballs, it was actually […]
I’m not.Just not enough.Not talented.Not knowledgeable.Not even informed.Not determined.Not disciplined.Not working hard enough.Not capable.Not deserving.Not worthy enough.No.Not good.I’m not even good enough. Right?This constant voice in my head.This is it.It has to be.It’s enough.To make me believe.I’m not enough.No not even good enough. A limiting belief.A self-fulfilling prophecy.A blindfold.A bias, confirming. The visa that didn’t […]
“As immigrants, we always feel an obligation to the opportunities we’re presented with, even if there are glaring red flags staring right at us. Be aware of this irrational gratitude.” – In saying this one thing Jinal Shah made me feel seen in a way I didn’t even know was invisible. This whole piece is […]
You have to write. What if I have nothing to say?What if it’s not good? Or good enough? Or as good as before?What if what I have to say doesn’t matter?No. I don’t want to say something. You don’t write because you want to say something. You write because you have something to say. Yes. […]
Oh the voices in my headThey say You’re not good enoughYou’re not enoughAre you sure? Oh I know youThe judgemental one Oh the voices in my headThey say You’re lazyYou’re arrogantSo slow Oh I know youCriticism personified Oh the voice in my headThey say You don’t work hardYou don’t deserve it Oh I know youDistrustful […]
fluid.world 