Such is the way of life of a wise person -
retiring to their inner self, in their own company.
I’ve started 2019 on a questioning note, which now that I think about it, makes total sense – it’s a natural response to observing.
Not all that pleasant, not all I wanted. Yet good. And questioning.
I’ve been struggling over the past couple of months with my thoughts, my emotions, my self. The more I know about things, the more I learn I know nothing at all.
And that gives me peace.
Actually, it gives me more than just peace, it gives me my future, and all the possibilities that come with it, that I can bring into it.
What would be the one thing I wish to bring?
Two years ago when I first read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, it made me think about my own purpose.
"Those who have a why to live,
can bear with almost any how."
I started joining the dots between what I was doing back to who I was, not realizing it would only work the other way around.
I’ve been seeking fulfillment, not understanding that fulfillment is too large a universe to be filled by anything tangible – no person, no job, no place.
You are not born for any one corner of this world.
As I question every single thought in my mind I learn a lesson that brings me closer to the answer – fulfillment is an award you get for your every good deed you do, and that it’s not a destination but an opportunity every step of the journey.
But if you don’t know where you are sailing to, no wind will ever be favorable, and you will keep sailing with no purpose in the vastness of life, and you will be living but you will not be alive.
So don’t start with the what, or even the how – the answer almost always is in the why.
No amount of checked boxes will ever match the power of true calling, the one that never comes with horns blaring but whispers to you, from within you, the signs of which are scattered all across your life, if only you pay attention, if only you take a minute every now and again – to observe, take the headspace, make a change, even just 1%.
And somewhere, as you start doing that, will you
see know that the answer you are looking for is not to be found but to find – that which is you and that which isn’t. And to act on it.
I’ve spent the better part of my 20s not knowing either. I’ve had the highest highs and lowest lows not knowing which ones really mattered (to me).
And now here I am, embarking onto another year of my life, knowing one thing fully well: it doesn’t matter what you say, what matters is how you feel, and not one particular day, but at all times.
So lead with your emotions. Have the courage of conviction. There’s no such thing as caring too much. But be true to yourself. Also be fair to yourself. You don’t have to take on everything. Feed your feeling of unfulfillment, recognize your hunger, the reason for it.
Why are you driven? Because you care.
About the big picture.
If you seek fulfillment, know that it is much larger than your life, much larger than what you do, much larger than what you feel.
There will always be more, know that.
And so – as many steps away that fulfillment might be, only one step at a time will take you to it, as long as you keep an eye on the big picture and know that things will change along the way, as they should.
There are very few things in your life, in your world, that you control. But your perspective is one of them. Always remind yourself of that big picture. It will make you feel grateful. And gratitude is a powerful thing.
You were born /
Young and wild and free /
You found meaning in words /
And now /
Let your words be your meaning /
Once again you find freedom in them, through them /
As you wander off into the big picture /
To be the change you seek /
To fulfill your purpose /
Wise and wild and free //