Are You There?

Are you there, living and breathing,
right in this moment,
are you there,
here,
present…

I’m not a big believer in horoscopes, and not too knowledgeable about astrology. In fact, my only connection with it is part of my morning routine, when I skim through the Capricorn section of Daily horoscope. I started reading it about 5 years ago, when a friend introduced it to me by saying, “It changed the way I look at my life!” In that moment I’m sure I must’ve thought how dramatic can she be, but then I downloaded it anyway. The thing is, something about the way it was articulated really resonated with me. It wasn’t so much out of interest of life’s predictions that I kept reading it daily, but more so for the nuggets of thoughts, direction that it prompted me with. One such day was today.

You are goal-oriented and ambitious, but right now a certain ambition may be getting in the way of an important relationship.

I dismissed the thought almost immediately. I didn’t think any relationships in my life were suffering, especially not due to my ambition.
Later on my way to work, I was thinking of how I had decided  to get home slightly earlier this week. I’ve been wanting to spend some quality time by myself in the evenings, just unwinding, catching up on reading, or simply doing something, just for myself.

I’ve done anything but that.

It suddenly struck me – that important relationship – it was with me.

I’ve been so focussed on working hard, giving it my all, my everything, I’ve almost forgotten to do anything else.

Is this how I want to spend my life, fighting for moments (over some part of the weekend) for myself?

I have plans you know, so many things I want to do, explore. We all do.
We all also think that we have time. Well yes, we do, but it is now.
And if we don’t use it wisely, well it’s not coming back.

Life is meant to be lived, not completed.

I’ve been on edge for the past few weeks, it’s been testing times, but I realize, I’ve also not taken time to simply just take a moment to breathe, soak it all in, these blessings that I’m bestowed with.

It’s the simple things that count, the moments of inner peace, joy.

Sitting on the hammock in my little balcony, with my plants and my book, some music, and my thoughts – bliss.

We all need it.
To each our own, but equally real,
a feeling of peace, calm, surreal.

This picture I’ve posted, I plead you to read the full story, it forced me to rethink my purpose in life.  I take so many things for granted, my health, especially my mental health, my food, my time, my family too sometimes. I’m hustling, I’m doing, and don’t get me wrong, I love it, but for what? What is the point of all of this, this energy, this passion, this drive, if I can’t put it to better use, or should I say better use for a larger cause.

The fleeting thoughts I have, it’s time to act on them.

Take up that hobby, learn that new thing, initiate that idea, build that community, write for that blog, reach out to that someone, devote some time to a cause, make that trip, go travel, do something, do nothing, do everything!
(And these are just some of the things I want to do)

I’ve been practicing vulnerability in my way of life, you must’ve picked it up from my last few posts, and you’ll see a lot more of it in the ones to come. This right here is where I lose myself and find my self all in the same time.

So where am I then? Right here. Somewhere in-between thoughts, in-between realizing my dreams.

Life’s too short, but it’s also the longest thing you live, so don’t forget to, you know, actually live it.

Be there, here, now.